The Importance of Consent
Well, ask yourself, "Would I want someone to ask permission to touch me and move my body around?" Think back to when you were pregnant and so many random strangers came up to you and touched your belly. Was that enjoyable to you? Of course not.
Now I understand you are their parent, and perhaps we take it for granted that our babies and children consent to our touch. And yes it is true that you are responsible to grant their consent in certain situation. So why are we talking about parents/carers seeking consent from their baby/child? Put simply, the world we live in has made it imperative to create a culture of consent in our homes, families, schools, classes, lives. I repeat, the world we live in has made it IMPERATIVE to create a culture of consent.
Teaching children to give consent, even as an infant, teaches empowerment. It teaches them to respect their body and others. It teaches them the importance of boundaries. It shows them by example that they need to ask consent of other children to touch them.
This process changes as they get older. As an infant it consists of a visual and verbal cue, for example "Bubba, we are going to do some massage now, ok?" "Let's change your nappy/diaper now, ok?" "Are you hungry? Would you like some milk?" etc. These verbal cues can all be accompanied by a visual cue such a baby sign. (Please watch the YouTube video linked above to see the cue I teach in my classes for baby massage. Stay tuned for how to cue your baby for baby yoga!) If you practise giving your baby these cues every day, after 2/3 weeks you will start to see their response. they will learn to link the cue together with what comes next. Lots of mums and babies in my massage and yoga classes start to notice after 2/3 weeks that when baby sees the cue they smile, squeal, wriggle and excitedly bounce their limbs. This is baby telling you "Mummy I'm happy for you to do "xyz" with me." Conversely, you might see they grizzle, turn away, cry when they see the cue. That just means they are maybe not in the mood at the moment. Allow a couple minutes to pass. Give them some cuddles and reassurance, and try again. If they still don't look happy maybe they have a physical need you need to address first such as a dirty nappy or a quick feed. Normally baby will be happy to participate shortly.
As children get older consent may sound more like "Do you want to give mummy a hug?" "I'm going to help you wipe your bum, ok?" So rather than "Go give your grandmother a hug!!!" and forcing your child into a form of physical interaction they are not comfortable with at that moment, try offering them options: "Do you want to give grandma a hug or a high-5?"
It may take some getting used to to adopt these expressions. I know I'm still working on it! I didn't grow up with this "culture of consent" attitude. I was raised to do as I was told. Regardless of how we were raised however, we each have the responsibility to ask ourself "What kind of parent/carer do I want to be?"
I promise you, it will never be a bad thing that you teach your child to respect their body and the body of others, seek consent before touch, and to respect boundaries.
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